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“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part III: Everything Else I Could Possibly Think of (in the span of like five minutes)
Alright, we’ve covered android/robot things, comic book characters, now how about some fantasy via the Lord of the Rings franchise? Well, too bad. After watching not only each of the three films, but also their extended editions, I’ve concluded that while they do have some content / metaphors for how different races (i.e. Dwarves, Elves) are treated very differently in and around Middle Earth, it isn’t nearly as core to the story as pretty much everything else I’ve covered so far.
Quite literally the only picture I could find on the Elf / Dwarf race rivalry. That’s how little it’s touched upon in the films. In the books I would assume it’s more of a plot point, but I haven’t even finished Fellowship of the Ring yet!
However, there is a more recent example I want to touch on. It’s part of an extremely successful franchise (both financially and critically), almost entirely CGI, distributed by 20th Century Studios, and is a sci-fi film in the far future. That’s right, it’s Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Oh, I’m sorry, did you think I was going to discuss Avatar: The Way of Water? Think again!
THIS movie? WRONG.
While that would be a good choice, and possibly even a better and far easier topic to discuss; this, with the Apes franchise, I feel is a bit more nuanced and not as, well, beaten to death, because practically everyone on Earth and Pandora knows what the messaging behind Avatar is. The Avatar films literally have a themed section at Walt Disney World’s Animal Kingdom, so if you still aren’t getting it, you must be blind, dyslexic, deaf, media illiterate, or all of the above. (However, I will admit the area at Walt Disney World is really, really cool.)
Disney’s strategy to put their new Apes-themed Land right next to the US Tank Museum is bold, and maybe even a little on the nose, but the ticket pre-sales sure aren’t monkeying around. (This bit is just a joke. Let’s get back to the topic now that we’ve all had a giggle.)
Planet of the Apes is not a new franchise. Let’s get that out of the way first. It started as a cool sci-fi film in the 60s with a twist-ending that left you begging for more, only for “more” to be a handful of sequels that are quite shallow in comparison to the original. Then, of course, there was a Tim Burton version with Mark Wahlberg. I think we know enough about it just from that one sentence to conclude that it, uh, didn’t pan out the way Mr. Burton envisioned, I’m sure.
If we keep getting Ape films at this rate we’re going to get one with this title.
Then comes the trilogy that I and many Internet-Ape-Nerds have come to affectionately call the Caesar Trilogy. It deals with the direct rise of the planet of the apes (badum-tss) and how Caesar had a direct role in the dawn of a new age for not only apes, but also humans, and the Earth as a whole. Apes are seen not only as lesser than human, but as lesser than lesser than. As the trilogy progresses, the tables turn, and humanity is on the other side. It’s quite the interesting situation.
Now, with a new trilogy dawning, I have a feeling something else may be brewing in those monkey’s heads besides “oo oo aa aa.” Perhaps a banana?
“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part II: Replicants
Well, I feel like I’ve beaten X-Men and Mutants to death and then some, so I’m going to move on to some other groups in Cinema that represent “other”-ness. One big example that I wanted to touch on isn’t exactly straightforward, and that’s Blade Runner’s Replicants. First of all, I’m not even going to touch the whole Fruedian thing, so don’t get me started on that. Rather, I’m going to tackle what they represent as far as this topic of “other”-ness concerns us.
If Rick Deckard were real, I would have a lot to say to him— but the first thing would probably be, “Yeah, I get it.”
While Mutants represent the marginalized and oppressed, due to their treatment from “everyday” people, Replicants, I feel, aren’t merely as much of a metaphor as some may believe in this context. I believe they simply represent how we perceive our own creations, and if they deserve love, attention, and respect. Most importantly, however, I believe they pose the question of, “Can/Should we create something sentient?” Well, you’d think the answer would be yes, right? We can create children, and children are living, biological beings with what many of us believe to be souls, so what’s the issue? It’s the fact that some people don’t treat their children with love, respect, or give them the attention they need. This is why, I believe, we as a species will always be burdened with the burning question of if we are truly worthy of creation; not because some God or gods may or may not have told us not to (create something like AI or beings in labs)– but rather, we know what we are truly capable of, and we don’t want to pass that potential on to our creations (or in this case, our Replicants).
Wait– did I just do some unintentional Frued-ing? Dammit… Well, I guess even a coked-out psychologist is right twice a day, or however the saying goes.
If a human fails the test, it’s a fluke of course…
Isn’t that what the humans are most afraid of in Blade Runner, anyway? The Replicants essentially become too similar to their creations, so similar that they question why they exist, and question their purpose as creations. It’s almost as if them doing the most human thing imaginable is what makes them flawed creations. In my professionally nonprofessional opinion, the only thing that truly makes them flawed in this way, is the fact that their creators aren’t perfect. It’s only because we as humans were wrong in thinking that our creations would be perfect, something not even the perfect gods we worship could accomplish when creating us could achieve. Do we really see ourselves, not simply as God, but as above God? To me, that’s the humans’ biggest mistake, and that’s the ultimate downfall of the relationship between the Replicants (man’s creation) and humanity/Tyrell (man).
I could just as easily have put the, “Moments lost in time, like tears in rain,” but I feel like this line was more applicable.
“Other”-Ness in Cinema Represented by Fictional Groups - Part I: Mutants
I’m going to be honest– I’m not the best person to write this blog. I’m a white, cisgender, heterosexual, Christian man who, for a majority of my life, believed in pretty Conservative values. Granted, I’m very Liberal now, and I sort of look at my past set of values as embarrassing, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the most non-minority you could possibly think of as an individual; however I think my more unique perspective as someone who’s progressed past a Conservative viewpoint to a Liberal viewpoint while still keeping something akin to my original personality will give me a better insight into films that, let’s be honest, are made for broad appeal.
Wolverine’s first usage of his claws in live-action; a scene that shall live in infamy in many a nerd’s mind. However, the film’s director, Bryan Singer, was adamant in not allowing comic books on-set so as to not make the film too “silly” for modern audiences. (Which, in my honest opinion, is dumb.)
(X-Men)
So what do I mean when I say, “‘Other’-ness in cinema, represented by fictional groups?” Well, I mean groups like Mutants in the X-Men films. That will be the biggest example, probably, and the easiest to reference, as a presentation I did in school was just on this whole concept; the idea that Mutants are a marginalized and oppressed peoples due to the simple fact that (a.) they are different from what is widely considered “normal” in society and (b.) they simply exist. These ideas and concepts are touched upon in nearly every X-Men film, spanning from the original released in 2000 to the most recent blockbuster bomb in 2020, The New Mutants.
Nightcrawler, the one on the right, is asking Mystique this question. Her response? “Because we shouldn’t have to.”
(X2: X-Men United)
Hell, even before that 2000 film, there was an animated show on FoxKids, X-Men: The Animated Series, that would teach children that treating people based on their appearance, or anything for that matter, besides the content of their character was an inherently wrong thing to do. That show, now revitalized on Disney+ as X-Men ‘97 (the year the original show ended its run on television), is showing a whole new generation the dangers of what judging others based on bigotry will get us.
Pictured is the leader of a Mutant-Hate group, AKA the Friends of Humanity, as he riles up his fellow bigots at the sight of captured X-Man, Jubilee.
(X-Men: The Animated Series)
In just its fifth episode, it had a full-on Mutant genocide, where we see not only the deaths of dozens of side characters (and millions of unnamed Mutants), but also the permanent death of a main X-Man, all because of hatred and anti-Mutant sentiment growing around the world. The showrunner, Beau DeMayo, has stated on his personal Twitter feed (and elaborated on in this Deadline article) that he took inspiration from his own reactions to horrible events like 9/11 and, as he is a gay man, the Pulse Nightclub shooting, a club that he was a regular at, for how to handle the writing of reactions and aftermath of a hate-crime on the level of what was literally a Mutant genocide/massacre.
The Genosha Genocide leads to the fracturing not only of humankind and Mutantkind, but also the X-Men.
(X-Men '97)
Bailey’s Top 15 Most Anticipated Films of 2024 After All The “Big Game” Trailers
With every Super-Mega Ultimate Football game of the year, there also comes epic trailers for movies that have epic budgets. So, since the Ultimate Football Mega Bowl Deluxe Premium is almost done, and I’m too impatient to watch the rest of a sport I don’t understand, here are Bailey’s top fifteen anticipated films of the year of our Lord, 2024. (Some of these don’t have trailers, though. My condolences.)
UPDATE: The game is finished now, it just took a long time to write this. My bad, my eager readers.
Honorable Mentions:
Venom 3, dir. Kelly Marcel
Look, I’m not the biggest Venom fan, but I am the biggest Venom: Let There Be Carnage fan. I watch that at least once every couple of months. It’s one of my comfort films. It’s so unserious. So self-aware. Absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. So the final entry in what will most likely be the goofiest film of this already goofy trilogy is certainly something I’m looking forward to.
The Iron Lung, dir. Markiplier
Markiplier is a YouTuber. Let’s not forget this. Let’s also not forget he made one of the most badass trailers of all time for this movie. ‘Nuff said.
The Fall Guy, dir. David Lietch
David Leitch has some style. Is it always good? Well, maybe not always, but it certainly is a style. He’s also a relatively silly little guy. He did one of the Deadpool movies, plus Bullet Train, and I like those, so, y’know… This’ll probably be good. Plus, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone? Oh yeah, baby.
Civil War, dir. Alex Garland
A24’s first IMAX endeavor with the director of Ex Machina? Yeah, I think so— Just didn’t fit on the list. Sorry, A24, I still love you. <3
…drumroll, please...
15. IF, dir. John Krasinski
John Krasinski has proven himself a good director with the great A Quiet Place films, but what about a family film? Like, no, really? I love him, Ryan Reynolds, Steve Carrell and the gang, and the plot of a girl seeing everyone’s imaginary friends seems cool as hell, but this is way different in tone, style, and literally everything than what he’s done before. But. I’m intrigued.
14. Trap, dir. M. Night Shyamalan
M. Night, my man, you are a man of mystery. You make Unbreakable… Then you make The Happening. You make Split… Then you make The Last Airbender. Who are you? What do you want? Are you a man of talent, a hack, or a wolf in sheep’s clothing? Who is to say…. However, the idea of a psychological thriller set during a concert is cool as a Nintendo Entertainment System on Christmas, or something like that, I don’t know, I couldn’t think of a good comparison. My point is, if the reviews are good, then I’m seated day one.
13. Joker: Folie à Deux, dir. Todd Phillips
Joker was really an excellent movie. Well, it was when I saw it in 2019. Then I saw other films, and it doesn’t hold up quite as well, but it is still very good and the effort put into it is quite commendable. When I heard the sequel was going to be a musical, though? Oh, man. I was hyped. Not much other to say than hopefully this one is brimming with original concepts and ideas, and I have a feeling it will be.
12. Shelby Oaks, dir. Chris Stuckmann
Chris Stuckmann is a name any film buff that watches YouTube should know. He’s a movie reviewer, and just a cool dude as well. He’s made a few interesting short films that were a bit funny, but a feature-length horror film? Yeah. He’s committed to the craft, knows what it takes to create a good story, and hopefully knows how to direct. Whether or not the reviews are bad or good, I’m seeing this if I have the time, just to support the guy and judge it for myself. Let’s all get Stuckmannized.
11. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, dir. Wes Ball
So, the recent Planet of the Apes trilogy was perfect, right? Why need to continue it? Why with the guy who did the decent-at-best Maze Runner flicks? I don’t know, man, but I’ve gone this far with these characters in this universe, and the trailers have looked great thus far, so I guess I’m just hooked now. Call me an Apes Addict cause I be on that Monkey Milk.
10. Monkey Man, dir. Dev Patel
Speaking of monkeys, and not necessarily milk as much, is Dev Patel’s foray into directing. Will it be good? Who knows. Does the trailer look baller as hell? Oh yeah. Also badass. Also it very much is drenched in style. Not much else to say, folks.
9. A Quiet Place: Day One, dir. Michael Sarnoski
As previously mentioned, I’m a huge fan of the A Quiet Place films, and while my boy Johnny K. isn’t helming this one, the director of Pig is. So that right there is a huge green flag. Plus, the trailer looks thrilling, horrifying, and, well, you know— good… and stuff. It also stars some people who I like, who I can’t remember the names of at this time. A woman from Black Panther, a guy from Stranger Things… These people… Are very cool. So will I like it? Signs point to yes.
8. Megalopolis, dir. Francis Ford Coppola
Very little is known about the FFC’s newest, biggest, and boldest film yet, besides a single poster, a stacked cast, and a hellish production, but I’ll be damned if I’m not intrigued by the whole thing. Also it has a very simple premise that’s been released, involving an artist that wants to rebuild New York City as a utopia after a a disaster strikes. I’m not Francis Ford Coppola’s biggest fan, but man does he have the juice. If I’m being honest, unless this underwent some horrible studio interference, it will probably end up being amazing.
7. Mickey 17, dir. Bong Joon-ho
We have all seen Parasite. That is no debate. We all know this director can crank out a Snowpiercer or an Okja whenever he wants. So will this be good? Yeah. Like, it’s not a question at this point. With Robat-Battinbat (Robert Pattinson) hot off the heels of The Batman and it’s amazing run, he will certainly be looking to be doing something a bit more artsy-artsy (I know, I’m sorry) and this is the perfect outlet (even though the previously mentioned comic book movie was actually quite artsy). Match made in heaven? Maybe. Match made for me specifically? Mhm. Certainly.
6. Furiosa, dir. George Miller
I have to admit, I haven’t seen Mad Max: Fury Road. I know. I’m sorry to everyone in the film, television, and arts community. It’s a slap in the face, really. I’m biggest disgrace to the culture of cinema. However, I do plan on watching it. Just give me some time before this prequel comes out, because this one… It looks like it’s gonna be epic.
5. Hitman, dir. Richard Linklater
One of my favorite people in the film industry, writer and director of one of my favorite coming-of-age films (Boyhood), as well as an entire trilogy of absolutely perfect romance movies (the Before trilogy), plus a perfect-stoner-high-school-coming-of-age-mid-70s flick (Dazed and Confused) is releasing an action comedy on Netflix that got near-perfect praise at film festivals last year? I’m locked in.
4. Terrifier 3, dir. Damien Leone
The third movie in what could possibly be the goriest horror films ever put to film, directed by a guy that is obviously very talented at this point. While I do enjoy the original Terrifier, the sequel is, in my opinion, a horror epic in every sense. The fact that the third entry will be Christmas-themed instead of Halloween-oriented is also a welcome change, as holiday horror flicks are always a good time, thanks to last years disturbing Thanksgiving, which was a smash hit for director Eli Roth. Anyway, I also heard that the director turned down offers from studios with big budgets in order to keep his vision true, and more importantly, keep the series in its unrated goodness. Let’s hope Mr. Leone keeps up the great work.
3. Drive-Away Dolls, dir. Ethan Coen
I need you to watch the trailer for this and tell me it doesn't look stylish, hype, and goated with the sauce. You can’t? Yeah. That’s right. It’s bananas, quirky, goofy, silly, risky, sexy, sleek, and just about everything you can imagine that a Coen, or at least Ethan Coen film should be. The trailer just sold me. I don’t know. Yeah. I’m seeing it day one.
2. Deadpool & Wolverine, dir. Shawn Levy
Look, normally my hype level for Marvel Cinematic Universe films aren’t exactly super high, especially recently (with the exception of James Gunn’s superb Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3), but an R-rated Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman-led team-up with elements from Loki, presented to me in a year with no other MCU movies? Yeah, I think I’ll bite.
1. Dune Part Two, dir. Denis Villenueve
Adapting one of the strangest, longest, most in-depth, drug-fueled, and stright-up sandy sci-fi bestselling novels of all of humankind is probably a daunting task, but with the first film, Denis knocked it out of the park and then some. Nailing not only the tone, atmosphere, character motivations, aesthetic, directing, cinematography, vernacular and style, but also Frank Herbert’s intentions of this being a long-running saga that should have people invested for a while. Not only are we getting this film, but we are due to get Dune: Messiah at some point from Villenueve as well, and at that point he plans to hand the baton off to someone else. This could be the next Star Wars, my friends. The next Marvel Cinematic Universe. This could be the next big thing, and this is absolutely just the beginning.
Mean Girls: Multi-Multimedia Mayhem
We all know about the 2004 triumph of American feminist cinema; Mean Girls. However, I don’t think many people know how that piece of media has evolved over time. To begin with, the film is actually an adaptation of the high school self-help book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, which was aimed at, you guessed it, teenage girls. The movie, which was written by Tina Fey, was essentially a satirical look at the book while still following its core principals. It, of course, was a huge hit, and popular enough to spawn a sequel that no-one really cares about. Also, all of these examples are pretty hypermediacy-centric, meaning, they’re all pretty meta. As in, the book will use the term, “you,” and address the reader, and I seem to recall Lindsay Lohan’s character looking directly into the camera at some points during the film?! Yeah, that sense of meta-ness (hypermediacy, I mean) is prevalent throughout all the forms of this piece of media! Anyway, take a look at an image for Queen Bees and Wannabes that is so big it’s super grainy. I also can’t figure out how to edit it down. How cool! There’s more after the huge book cover, so scroll down some more, will ya?
So, after the 2004 spectacle of peak cinema, came a broadway musical adaption of the same name. Yeah, they just called it Mean Girls again. No addition of “The Musical” to the end or anything. Not many people know about this! I’ve heard it’s pretty good, actually, but seeing as how I’m here in the state of dead cornfields and not in New York, New York, I haven’t seen what I’m assuming is the best stage production since Sliced Bread: The Musical. Also, once again, Tina Fey was the main gal behind the musical. Genius or too stubborn to hand off the baton to somebody else? You decide! Anyway, here’s a montage of some decent-enough looking clips from what I’ve now decided is a halfway-middling looking musical. Take a look!
Now… What we’ve all been waiting for dreading… Not the first, not the second, but the third movie in this franchise… An adaption, not of the book, not of the original film, but of the dang stage musical, it’s… Mean Girls. That’s right. The third thing called “Mean Girls” is an an adaptation of the broadway musical, which is an adaptation of the film, which is an adaptation of a self-help book which really has nothing to do with Regina George and her misadventures as the school’s biggest, uhm, well, I like to think of myself as a feminist, so I’m going to act like I wasn’t even going to go there. School’s biggest dummy, how about that? Anyway, here’s the trailer! (Oh, and I forgot to mention, Tina Fey ONCE AGAIN wrote the dang screenplay. How much work does she need in the “rude women” genre?!)
So! You’ve learned all you’ve needed to learn about the MEAN GIRLS SAGA— But I haven’t even talked about the video games or novels! Well… Too bad. I’m sick and tired of mean girls. How about “good boys?” Just kidding, that movie sucks.
What I was mostly interested in was the book to movie to broadway musical to movie musical pipeline, otherwise known as “BTMTBMTMMP.” I know, could use for some shortening, but so could these movies, I mean jeez. Tina Fey seems to think the world revolves around rude white people that are in high school. How about kind people- of different races and cultures, perhaps? I think the new movie was better with that, but anyway, I notice I haven’t actually much talked about the behind the scenes of this stuff that much, which is weird, because I actually know quite a lot about it.
The 2024 movie musical was originally going to be released on Paramount+, and was filmed during COVID, so it doesn’t exactly look good, sound good, or have much of a feeling of scale since it was unfortunately rushed into theaters to make a quick buck. It’s a shame, too, because pretty much every other entry that I’ve mentioned here has been near universally praised by its target audience! The self-help book? Helpful! The comedy film? Funny! The musical? Music…y? However, they didn’t advertise this new film as even being a musical. Instead, they went for more of a “Hey, we’re doing it for a new generation because all of the executives at our movie studio are cool teenage girls!” route, which is, as you probably assumed, untrue. (They are all elderly men who don’t know how to connect with anything. They don’t even talk to their wives. Just kidding! They’re divorced.)
Anyway, I hope you have a great time reading this halfway-educational, mostly comedic blog post, and I mean this as much as a straight man can say it; Stay fetch!
The Baileys: 2023
My equivalent of the Oscars… but better.
Best Picture
Oppenheimer
Best Actress
Emma Stone - Poor Things
Best Actor
Paul Giamatti - The Holdovers
Best Animated Feature
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse
Best Director
Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer
Best Overall Screenplay
The Holdovers
Best Original Screenplay
The Holdovers
Best Supporting Actress
Da’Vine Joy Randolph - The Holdovers
Best Supporting Actor
Robert Downey Jr. - Oppenheimer
Best Horror Film
Talk To Me
Best Action Film
John Wick: Chapter 4
Best Acting Debut
Dominic Sessa - The Holdovers
Best International Film
Godzilla Minus One
Best Musical
Wonka
Best “Romance” ;)
Saltburn
Best Editing
Oppenheimer
Best Holiday Movie
The Holdovers
Best Costuming
Barbie
Best Comic Book Movie
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Best Adapted Screenplay (Book/Comic)
Killers of the Flower Moon
SCARIEST MOVIE!
Talk To Me
Best Editing
Oppenheimer
Best Original Song
“What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish - Barbie
Cutest Fella
Baby Rocket - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Best Final Line
Killers of the Flower Moon
Best Production Design
Poor Things
Best Comedy Film
Bottoms
Best Cameo
Margot Robbie - Asteroid City
Best Original Score
Daniel Pemberton - Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse
Best Cinematography
John Wick: Chapter 4
Best Stunts
Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One
MADE ME CRY THE MOST?!
Knock At The Cabin
Best Credit Scene
They Cloned Tyrone
Best Aesthetic
Poor Things
Most Delightful
Wonka
Best Makeup/Procethetics
Evil Dead Rise
Most Creative Direction
Micheal B. Jordan - Creed III
Best KILL
John Wick: Chapter 4
Most Provocative O_O
Saltburn
Best Special
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar
Best CGI/VFX
The Creator
Biggest Scene Stealer
Iman Vellani - The Marvels
What the—?
Beau Is Afraid
WHAT THE—?!
Dicks: The Musical
Morb. (Worst film.)
Dashing Through the Snow
Ranking The Marvel Cinematic Universe (With Loki Season 2 and The Marvels)
Loki (Season 2)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Avengers: Endgame
Avengers: Infinity War
Spider-Man: No Way Home
Werewolf By Night
Guardians of the Galaxy
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Captain America: Civil War
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Loki (Season 1)
Iron Man
Black Panther
Moon Knight (Season 1)
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
The Avengers
Spider-Man: Homecoming
The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special
The Marvels
Thor: Ragnorok
Eternals
Ms. Marvel (Season 1)
Captain America: The First Avenger
WandaVision (Season 1)
Doctor Strange
Iron Man 3
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Season 1)
Ant-Man
Spider-Man: Far From Home
Hawkeye (Season 1)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Captain Marvel
Black Widow
Thor: Love and Thunder
Iron Man 2
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (Season 1)
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
The Incredible Hulk
Thor
What If…? (Season 1)
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Thor: The Dark World
Secret Invasion (Season 1)
The Baileys: 2022
Nobody reads these anyway, so the thought of spewing my opinion into the great unknown satisfies me. That being said, I will now give my equivalent of the Oscars for films released in 2022! Keep in mind, some of these categories are completely made up by yours truly.
The Fabelmans
Best Picture
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Best Original Screenplay
Most Emotional Piece of Music - “Specks of Time”
Best Supporting Actor - Ke Huy Kuan
Best Director(s) - Daniel Kwan, Daniel Sheinert
The Batman
Best Score - Michael Giacchino
Best Adapted Screenplay (Comic / Book)
Best Costuming
Best Cinematography
Best Original Piece of Music - “The Batman”
Avatar: The Way of Water
Best Visual Effects
Best Sequel
Biggest Cinematic Achievement: Surpassed 13 Years of Hype-Buildup
Babylon
Best Ensemble Cast
Biggest Scene Stealer - Tobey Maguire
MADE ME CRY THE MOST!
Terrifier 2
Best Practical Effects
Best Horror Film
BEST KILL
The Whale
Best Actor - Brendan Frasier
Best Adapted Screenplay (Stage Play)
Best Makeup/Prosthetics
RRR
Best International Feature Film
Best “GLORY TO INDIA” Moment
Top Gun: Maverick
Biggest Adrenaline Rush
Action Guy - Tom “Movies” Cruise
Best “GLORY TO THE UNITED STATES MILITARY” Moment
Elvis
Elvis Impression (Good)
Best Editing
Elvis Impression (Funny)
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Best Comedy Film
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Best Supporting Actress - Angela Basset
Pearl
Best Actress - Mia Goth
Cha Cha Real Smooth
Best Romance
Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio
Best Animated Feature
The Menu
Best Suspense/Thriller
Werewolf By Night
Best One-Hour Special
Marcel The Shell With Shoes On
Cutest Bastard
Jackass Forever
WE OUT HERE!
Morbius
Morb (worst film)
Bailey’s Top 20 Comic Book Movies
20. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Dir. James Gunn
19. Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Dir. Joe & Anthony Russo
18. Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Dir. Matthew Vaughn
17. Kick-Ass (2010)
Dir. Matthew Vaughn
16. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Dir. Christopher Nolan
15. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
Dir. Bryan Singer
14. Man of Steel (2013)
Dir. Zack Snyder
13. Spider-Man (2002)
Dir. Sam Raimi
12. Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Dir. Joe & Anthony Russo
11. The Suicide Squad (2021)
Dir. James Gunn
10. Snowpiercer (2013)
Dir. Bong Joon-Ho
9. Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Dir. Jon Watts
8. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse (2018)
Dir. Rodney Rothman, Peter Ramsey, Bob Persichetti
7. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Dir. James Gunn
6. Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Dir. Joe & Anthony Russo
5. Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)
Dir. Zack Snyder
4. Logan (2017)
Dir. James Mangold
3. The Batman (2021)
Dir. Matt Reeves
2. The Dark Knight (2008)
Dir. Christopher Nolan
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Dir. Sam Raimi
Bailey’s Top Ten Works Of Art (5/7/2023)
Been a while, hasn't it? Anyway, this is painting with possibly the largest brush possible, seeing as how art can be literally anything man-made. So I’ll narrow it down to a few concepts: Films, television, paintings, books/comics, video games, and music. This list is in no particular order, so lets just get on with it, shall we?
“Lovely Thing Suite” by Watsky (Music)
This is a four (or five, depending on how you look at it) part musical/rap suite created by the rapper Watsky. With each part being about a certain aspect of life. “Conversations” is about mortality, “Knots” about depression, “Roses” about expression, “Theories” about optimism. Then, the album loops back around to the first song, “Tiny Glowing Screens, Part 3” which is basically about living life to the fullest. Every piece of music here is exemplary, exquisite, and by far my favorite music of the past twenty years. Here’s a link to the full 18-minute piece: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvlpvcqM9kQ.
“War Pieta” by Max Ginsburg (Painting)
Not much to say here, as it’s a painting showing the horrors of the war in Iraq. It depicts an American soldier with their mother holding them, as well as an oil field in the background with that precious commodity that our politicians so need to get those precious votes to hold their precious offices. Here’s a link to the artist’s website: https://www.maxginsburg.com/war-pieta.
“Breaking Bad” by Vince Gilligan (Television Show)
Not a lot I can say about this wonderful piece of television that hasn’t already been said, so I won’t even try.
“One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” dir. Milos Forman (Film)
This emotionally draining film rips my heart in half every time I watch it. Adapted from the novel of the same name, this movie is about a man who pretends to be mentally unwell so he can spend time at a mental institution instead of a prison. This… Doesn’t turn out well.
“Daredevil” [Season 3] by Marvel Entertainment (Television Show)
This season of television is my absolute favorite. While Breaking Bad has my favorite through line of Seasons 1-5, this season is a standout. Whether it be Matt Murdock's battle with religion, depression, denial, or something more physical, it always hits all the right notes. Always.
“Daredevil: Born Again” by Frank Miller (Comic Book)
My favorite comic book. My favorite comic character. My favorite story with said comic character. High highs, low lows, and other tribulations await Daredevil in this paperback. Keep in mind Daredevil [Season 3] was an adaptation of this comic, so it's no wonder why both are on the list. Frank Miller just knows how to write comics. Like, really, really well.
“Starry Night” by Vincent Van Gogh (Painting)
Enough has been said about this. You already know what this is. Moving on!
“In The Aeroplane Over The Sea” by Neutral Milk Hotel (Music)
This is my favorite album of all time. No skips on this one. It's a melancholy inward look of the leading man of Neutral Milk Hotel, Jeff Mangum, as he ponders questions of morality with picturesque detail that make you think you're on drugs when you could never be more sober. What lies beyond I'll let you enjoy discovering for yourself, but just know, it's not for the faint of heart.
“Red Dead Redemption II” by Rockstar Games (Video Game)
My favorite western piece of art is also my favorite video game, is also my favorite character study, is also my favorite period piece. It's a game with hundreds of hours of gameplay to get lost in, with world building unlike anything I've experienced before, all to tell the story of a dying man on a quest for… Well, that's up for the player to decide. Depending on how you play the game, you can get four different endings, each one a reflection of how you've treated your fellow countrymen and women those past hundreds of hours in the world of the Wild West and South. The game is a reflection of not only the player, but society in 1899, society now, the main character, Arthur Morgan, and how we treat those that are different than ourselves. I recommend everyone who has the means to do so, to experience this masterpiece.
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” dir. Michel Gondry (Film)
My favorite film. A heartbreaking story of a two people in love who, in the end, know they won't work out, but try again anyway. This is of course told through some sci-fi doohickey that erases your mind from your most recent memories to oldest, but it makes us realize that our pain is what shapes us. Removing that pain just removes what and who we are. If we erased our minds of our failed relationships… What would we have learned? What would we have gained? If you don't see why it didn't work out the first time, why not try again?
And that concludes…
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II Beta Overview (Weekend One)
Well, the Modern Warfare II beta is here, and I’ve played a good few hours and a good few dozen games. (Mostly domination, I admit. I’m addicted at this point.) Many people (and by many people, I mean literally no one) have asked me, “Bailey, what’s the new Call of Duty like? Is it any good?” Well, my dear friend(s), I’m here to put that brain of yours to rest. No more thinking for you, I’ll do it for you.
Yes. It’s good. The multiplayer is good. Even better than 2019’s Modern Warfare, even. Like, a lot better, in my opinion. (Then again, I thought the TTK was laughably quick in MW2019 and in this beta it’s almost perfect.) Plus, the killstreaks can be toggled to be scorestreaks. That is absolutely fantastic. Why haven’t those nerds thought of this before? I should have thought of this. I should be getting a million bucks right now. Sigh. Anyway, the streaks are great. I managed to get a couple chopper gunners (surprising, I know) and they are fun as hell! Cruise missiles I was never a fan of, but at least they don’t have the stupid player-exclusive UAV returning. That thing required like a kill and a half to earn and it only updated your mini-map. Whose idea was that?
Moving on, new gunsmith is actually really cool, and the way you rank up your weapons and earn attachments is a lot more fun and requires less of that usual annoying grind you have to go through which some people have just gotten used to when it comes to CoD games, but alas, those bastards up and changed things. Remember the last time they changed things in Call of Duty? Remember Advanced Warfare? Yeah… People weren’t fans. This, I think, will be a welcome change in the Call of Duty community. Oh, and if you actually did like the grind to get those attachments? Well there are still the camos, so you’re in luck with those.
The gameplay is great. This game is basically MW2019 with a few good drops of Black Ops II mixed in. So you get that modern gameplay with a bit of that classic CoD feel, which, in my opinion, is just great. Smooth gameplay yet just clunky enough so that it doesn’t make your eyes bleed if you play for longer than an hour, either. (Does that ever happen to you? A game’s HUD and weapon is so smoothly animated that it makes you want to melon-ball your eyes out? No? Just me? Okay.)
Honestly this might be my favorite Call of Duty multiplayer in years, and, depending on how the final game turns out, my favorite multiplayer of all time. Time will tell, and I’ll be playing the Beta the second weekend it’s active as well, so if there are any updates you’ll hear my thoughts then too.
I’ve been Bailey and this has been the BaileyBlog. Later, nerds.
Ranking The Call of Duty Games Before Modern Warfare II Releases
The Modern Warfare II beta is upon us, and with it the dawn of a new age of Call of Duty, which is what Activision tells us every year, but as someone who’s actually played the beta, they might actually be onto something! Anyway, I decided I was going to rank every Call of Duty title for some goofs and to piss off some nerds. Before I get started, I must mention this is only ranking the games I have played and I am including remasters. So no original Call of Duty or Call of Duty 2, but I have every game after that ranked like a mothertrucker, so anywho, let’s just get right into it. (WARNING: SUBJECTIVE.)
19. Call of Duty 3 - This game is Treyarch’s first foray into the franchise, and the third title in the original trilogy of the OG CoD games. It’s mid. Treyarch just wanted to make a fun WWII shooter, and that, uhm, doesn’t exactly fit the tone of WWII, if we’re being honest. Plus, the gameplay is very clunky compared to the later titles. So, in conclusion; skippable.
18. Call of Duty: Ghosts - I’ll be real with you, folks. I was never the biggest fan of Ghosts. Recently it’s had a bit of a resurgence in popularity, but in my honest opinion it’s just because the campaign ended on a cliffhanger that was never satisfied. The graphics for being on the PS4 and Xbox One were underwhelming, the campaign was smart yet overly dull, the maps were too large, and Extinction mode was, well, it never returned. I may be a bit hard on this one but I certainly won’t be going back to it anytime soon.
17. Call of Duty: WWII - The campaign? Cliché. Generic. Classic Apple Pie American in all the wrong ways that rub you in a way that makes you feel somehow uncomfortable. Zombies? Mid to bad. Multiplayer? Played like, three games and decided that was enough for me. Just not memorable, unfortunately. Nothing offensive (not that any of these games could be such), just not memorable.
16. Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare - The campaign is the saving grace here, as well as the on-disc zombies map, Zombies in Spaceland, but the rest of the maps were, well, not as good. The multiplayer is, however, just a watered down version of Black Ops III, which was a downgrade from the previous year’s installment. Just a big ole mixed bag here. Plus it was a year when fans desperately wanted a boots-on-the-ground game, and they certainly let their voices heard on the reveal trailer’s like to dislike ratio.
15. Call of Duty: Vanguard - The multiplayer is hectic and the zombies may be the worst out of all the titles in the Call of Duty franchise, but the campaign is absolutely worth it. Some of the best character development, the absolute best villains of any WWII-centered game in the franchise, and the best final mission in the entire franchise all combine to make one absolute banger of a story. Everything else, though? Eh.
14. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 - The campaign wasn’t nearly as memorable as Modern Warfare 2 with the huge exception of the final mission- and the multiplayer? Well, it was before my time. Never played it, folks. Sorry to break it to you. However, it was still a fantastic final entry to the original Modern Warfare series.
13. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - The campaign was amazing. However, it was later remastered, so you’ll find it higher on the list. Once again, the multiplayer was before my time, but the campaign was fantastic.
12. Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 - No Campaign?! What in the hell?! Replaced with Blackout, no less?! Well, I actually loved Blackout, so how about that? Heh. The multiplayer was also basically just an altered and faster-paced Black Ops II, so I don’t consider it to be too bad either. The zombies? Well, it was mixed. Like, very mixed. Ranging from bad to mid to great. So… It’s a middle of the pack title.
11. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare - Mid campaign. Great villain, but… Well, we don’t talk about that actor anymore. Very cool HUD, though. The zombies was mid as well. The multiplayer, while still very pay to win, and I admit I did pay a part in it, was great. This is my confession: I loved the Advanced Warfare multiplayer. I got to like, the fourth or fifth prestige, even. Not even kidding.
10. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019) - How dare they reboot the beloved classic?! Well, dare they. The campaign is nice and dark. The multiplayer (while the time to kill may be a little short) is quick and snappy. It’s a great game. A great reboot of a beloved classic for a modern audience. Not to mention it launched Call of Duty into the modern age with that signature “buy this blueprint now!” style.
9. Call of Duty: Warzone - Not Call of Duty’s first attempt at a Battle Royale, but certainly their most successful and most recognized, also, and honestly maybe unfortunately, considering Treyarch is my favorite of the three main developers. However, I can admit, Infinity Ward can make one hell of a Battle Royale.
8. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - The classic. The game that sent the franchise soaring to new heights. The absolutely phenomenal campaign. The forever iconic characters. The game so good they rebooted it. Think about it; how often do they reboot video games? I mean, remasters? Sure. Remakes? Maybe. But reboots? Hardly ever. This entry not only changed Call of Duty but gaming forever, but then again, it was later remastered so I got to essentially play it in its heyday but with improved graphics. (Spoilers: The remaster is higher on the list.)
7. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Campaign Remastered - This is a weird one. It’s just a campaign… But in my opinion, one of the best campaigns. I had a hell of a time with it. I mean come on, WWIII on American soil? That’s just epic. Plus, don’t forget the iconography. The White House, a Russian Gulag, and how could we forget Burger Town? We couldn’t. We will never- never- forget Burger Town.
6. Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War - This is now where we get into the great entries. Cold War is great. The campaign, which was developed by Raven Software due to a short development cycle for this game, is basically a reverse of the OG Black Ops. The multiplayer? I actually love it. One of my favorites. The zombies? Phenomenal. Probably my second or third favorite zombies entry. Just a well-rounded game. You love to see it.
5. Call of Duty: World at War - The absolute best WWII entry in the franchise and my personal favorite WWII game in general. An amazing campaign with brutal and bleeding missions that contrasts to Call of Duty 3’s fun tone. Plus: The introduction of Zombies! Whatsitooya if I played the campaign a little too much at too young an age? I still had fun, and learned about the second world war on top of that!
4. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Remastered - Quite simple. It’s the full game of CoD 4, but remastered for the PS4 and Xbox One. So, in my opinion, better. A better version of a classic. Not much to be said. (Hey, I said this was going to be subjective, didn’t I?)
3. Call of Duty: Black Ops - The bestselling Call of Duty title and for good reason. The campaign is screwy. Mind control, government secrets, conspiracies, and much, much more to top it off, plus an enhanced zombies experience compared to its introduction in World at War. Not to mention that it definitely deserves a remaster as well! (Sign the petition to remaster it here: https://chng.it/WDBsj6trmb.) Anyway, everything here is just of the absolute highest quality indeed, hmm yes. (Also Dead Ops Arcade is fun.)
2. Call of Duty: Black Ops II - The best campaign in my opinion. Mixes the style of the first Black Ops as well as the first futuristic Call of Duty, which honestly was the only futuristic installment that wasn’t controversial. Also; very mixed zombies, but still fun as hell with friends even on the lowliest of maps. I even played a bit of the multiplayer, and good Lord it was absolutely beautiful. You know it. You played it. You love(d) it.
1. Call of Duty: Black Ops III - Don’t shoot me yet, fellas. Let me speak my truth first. Now, I know people tend to hate on the campaign because honestly it is a bit complex, but I still love it. It’s not spoon-fed to you. It’s a thinker. Plus, it’s an awesome genre-bender. PLUS, it has a SECOND campaign called “Nightmares,” which may be even more wild, depending on your stance. Oh, and it’s a zombies campaign separate from the zombies mode. The zombies mode? The best. Every map is stellar. Not to mention Zombies Chronicles and the surprise return of Dead Ops Arcade. Let’s not forget Free Run, an additional mode to test your skill at the advanced movement system in the multiplayer. The multiplayer is also the best advanced movement system in any Call of Duty game, and I even prestiged once or twice. All in all, this game certainly has the most content, with the best zombies, the smartest campaign (which may or may not be wholly a good thing), and the best advanced movement system.
So what do you think? Agree? Good. I won’t be having any adverse opinions in this household- er- website. Anyway, I gotta hurry this up, my laptop is at like negative twelve percent. Later folks. I’ve been Bailey, and this has been the BaileyBlog.
Ranking My Handheld Gaming Consoles In The Most Subjective and Biased Way Possible
10. Game Boy Advance - The Game Boy Advance is great. It’s just… It doesn’t have a backlight, meaning if you wanna Mario it up, you gotta do so in optimal lighting. So… Yeah. Plus it doesn’t have nearly as many games as the original Game Boy, but it can play the games! Just not as nostalgic. :(
9. Game Boy - The OG gaming console. The classic. I literally only have it for the sake of having it… Probably just to sell it again in 30 years for my kid’s college fund. Nostalgic though!
8. Game & Watch: Super Mario Bros. - Is this a console? I say so! My list! My blog! My website! My cute little gaming console that is built to specifically play Super Mario Bros!
7. Game & Watch: The Legend of Zelda - This is a console. I say so. Plus it has way more content than the previous Game & Watch.
6. Game Boy Advance Micro - This was my pride and joy as a young lad. I remember playing Super Mario Advance back in pre-school with my boy. Remember, Josh? I do. You beat that rat guy before I did and I got jealous. Weird that I can remember that.
5. DSi - Basically a revision of the first DS but with a camera and internet capabilities, but I consider it a new console in general. I don’t have many fond memories with this one as I do the DS Lite, weirdly.
4. DS Lite - My first DS. I remember beating New Super Mario Bros. in just two weeks- and then turning off the DS during the credits and losing a bunch of progress. Curse you, Nintendo Employees. (Just kidding, please keep doing what you’re doing and I will continue to pay your mortgages.)
3. 3DS - The DS. But 3D! Some great games, though.
2. 3DSXL - The 3DS. But XL! Same games as the 3DS, though. More comfortable in my childlike meaty hands for sure.
1. Switch - Literally the power of a home console in your hands. The OLED model is even better. Oh boy yeah.
(Idk I was bored and I wanted to make a list of something. Sorry for bothering you folks at one in the morning lol.)
Stables Restaurant Review
I’m reviewing a restaurant; hell has frozen over, folks. Okay, anyway, Stables is a semi-high end semi-formal establishment in Terre Haute, Indiana with the theme that each booth is basically a horse stable. Made me feel very horse-like indeed. The food, I either loved more than my mother or hated more than, I don’t know, someone I hate a lot, I guess. Then again, I’ll only return for the stuff I liked, no? Let’s get into it.
For my appetizer, my and my beautiful date got lobster bites with some sort of dip that reminded me of soy sauce. The sauce I hated with a burning passion. The lobster bites were alright. Unoffensive. Not great, either. I would have preferred meat. Why? Well, because I’m a man, damnit. Just kidding, lobster is technically meat, just not the meatiest meat one can meat if you get me.
My entrée was a petite filet mignon (they called it “petite” but that thing was bigger than my fist), mashed potatoes with cheese, as well as some rice. I didn’t touch the rice. I didn’t have the time. I was too busy destroying that piece of meat and bowl of taters. Absolute pure American glory. I’ve never felt more full. More good in my big ole belly. Perfection on every front. No notes. Just give it to me every day for the rest of my hypothetically short life.
Now it’s time for dessert. I had, uhm, crème brulee. I think I spelled that right, it’s not like I’m into writing and should know better or anything. It was great, but I couldn’t finish it thanks to the remainder of the filet mignon still sitting in my stomach, unchewed. Very sweet, but I didn’t expect anything different.
Also, our waiters were great. I like to be a complete hooligan and make a fool of myself at places like Stables by asking waiters very fun meta questions, such as, “what’s your annual income?” Just kidding, but I do joke around with waiters, and at Stables they were very nice and cool as heck. Very fun people while still remaining professional. A good median.
All in all, I had a great experience and would definitely go again, if not in the near future then definitely later, as it is a tad pricey. Anyway, here are my ratings:
Service- 9/10
Food- 9/10
Atmosphere- Horse/10
Date w/ gf- 10/10
Pinocchio (2022) Movie Review: The Disney Live-Action Remake to End All Live-Action Remakes
Disney+’s 2022 Pinocchio remake is, in my opinion, a remake, and, in my opinion, that is what all the critics seem to have gotten wrong about this film. They all want something bombastically original; something to blow their socks off with a well-crafted story about the human condition! Well, they got Pinocchio. It’s not that hard to understand, folks. It’s called a remake, and there is plenty of originality left in Hollywood and the rest of the world if you know where to look, so I absolutely will NOT be having any of this, “but nothing original comes out anymore,” from you idjits. I’ll list off a few movies I’ve given ratings of 4.5 Stars or higher that are wholly original (being not based on anything and not a sequel or a prequel) just as a few examples:
Everything Everywhere All At Once (5 Stars)
RRR (5 Stars)
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (5 Stars)
The Northman (5 Stars)
Cha Cha Real Smooth (4.5 Stars)
Hustle (4.5 Stars)
The Black Phone (4.5 Stars)
Nope (4.5 Stars)
Turning Red (4.5 Stars)
Bodies Bodies Bodies (4.5 Stars)
Alright, now that all of that nonsense is out of the way, I can actually talk about this surprising movie. It’s good! Like, really good. Like, made me cry at two separate points good. First of all, let me talk about my favorite part: Robert Zemeckis’s direction. It’s fantastic. It blends his usual off-beat and off-color Spielbergian tone with the reminiscence and quality of the early Disney films, and it works, like, really well. Also there’s Tom Hanks, who plays this rendition of Geppetto. C’mon, folks. Tom Hanks. You gotta love the guy, not just because he’s Tom motherloving Hanks, but because he does a lovely job in the role of Pinocchio’s father. Then there’s Pinocchio himself. He’s like the only thing that I think this version of the film doesn’t surpass the original at, unfortunately, even though he still does an amazing job- the original Pinocchio is just pretty hard to beat.
Then there’s the story, which is where the naysayers will tell you this is an abomination beyond belief and that this is a butchering of the childhood classic we all know and love. No. Just no. It’s literally the exact same plot as the original but with better direction and the added bonus of updated humor and dialogue. So it’s better? Yes. Absolutely. The Disney+ Original 2022 Live-Action Remake of Pinocchio is better than Walt Disney’s 1940 classic, and that’s coming from a guy that will absolutely go back in time for the sole purpose of shaking the hand of Walt himself because I respect him so much, even if he may have been a bit shady.
Anyway, yeah, if you have a Disney+ subscription, I would absolutely recommend giving this sub-two hour film a watch, especially since your old pal Bailey gave it a whopping 4.5 Stars. That’s right; a whole star MORE than the original. If this doesn’t politically assassinate me, then I don’t know what will. Anywho, I’ve been Bailey, and this has been the BaileyBlog. Later, folks.
Bailey’s (Epic) Top 15 Video Games
Movies only take, at max, like, four hours to watch. Video games can take more than four-hundred hours, so this list is way shorter than my movie list. Again, these are all most likely subject to change, and I’m going to number them in reverse order this time to build up tension, because that’s always fun. Anyway, here we go…
15. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe
14. Super Mario Odyssey
13. Call of Duty: Black Ops
12. Super Mario Galaxy 2
11. Call of Duty: Black Ops II
10. Marvel’s Spider-Man
9. Batman: Arkham Knight
8. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
7. The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening (2019)
6. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2
5. Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary
4. Doom Eternal
3. Minecraft
2. Call of Duty: Black Ops III
1. Red Dead Redemption II
Bailey’s Top 100 Movies (9/10/2022)
My top 100 movies, as of September 10, 2022! Beware: Opinions will be spewed.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
Arrival
Spider-Man 2
Her
Fight Club
Full Metal Jacket
Parasite
Star Wars
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Do The Right Thing
Adaptation
The Dark Knight
RRR
Unbreakable
The Batman
Good Will Hunting
12 Angry Men
The Empire Strikes Back
Titanic
Dune
Logan
Avengers: Endgame
Zack Snyder’s Justice League
Spider-Man: No Way Home
Rushmore
The French Dispatch
BlacKkKlansman
Inception
The Breakfast Club
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Wolf of Wall Street
Inglorious Basterds
Snowpiercer
Blade Runner 2049
Blade Runner
2001: A Space Odyssey
Les Misérables
The Florida Project
War For the Planet of the Apes
Evil Dead 2
Interstellar
Night of the Living Dead
The Exorcist
The Lighthouse
Let There Be Blood
The Truman Show
American Graffiti
Citizen Kane
Before Midnight
Dazed and Confused
Raiders of the Lost Ark
La La Land
Before Sunrise
Army of Darkness
Rebel Without a Cause
Before Sunset
(500) Days of Summer
Prisoners
Where The Wild Things Are
The Hateful 8
West Side Story (2021)
The Last Duel
Jaws
The Suicide Squad
The Shining
When Harry Met Sally
Boyhood
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Belfast
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Halloween Kills
Gone Girl
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
The Dark Knight Rises
Marriage Story
Kingsmen: The Secret Service
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
Requiem For a Dream
Da 5 Bloods
X-Men: Days of Future Past
The Matrix
Hereditary
A Star Is Born
Eighth Grade
Training Day
Pulp Fiction
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Pan’s Labyrinth
Man of Steel
Avengers: Infinity War
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Silence of the Lambs
Captain America: Civil War
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Uncut Gems
Knives Out
mother!
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Scream (1996)
Remaster Call of Duty: Black Ops
Call of Duty is one of the biggest video game franchises the world has ever seen, and Black Ops is the bestselling installment in said franchise. The 2010 FPS released to massive acclaim from both critics and fans for its mind-bending campaign, innovative multiplayer, and memorable zombies. So why has it not been remastered when two other games in the franchise (2007’s Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and 2009’s Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) have been? Well, it’s hard to say.
The original Modern Warfare got the full remaster treatment, with the entire campaign and multiplayer modes being remastered and available to play, while Modern Warfare 2’s campaign was the only mode remastered. The cliffhanger ending of the MW2 campaign left many fans expecting a release of Modern Warfare 3 Campaign Remastered, but to this day, no announcement has been made, even if rumors still run rampant about such a decision from publisher Activision/Blizzard.
So why hasn’t Black Ops, the bestselling Call of Duty title, been remastered? Honestly, I don’t know. However, I intend to change that. I started a petition to remaster Black Ops a few days ago, which has surprisingly already garnered over fifty signatures. You can sign the petition here if you’re interested: https://chng.it/WDBsj6trmb. Don’t worry, I’m not expectant that fifty people are going to change the mind of a multi-billion dollar corporation like Activision/Blizzard, but I do believe a few hundred thousand people can. Granted, that’s a long ways off, but I’m a hopeful guy.
You see, Call of Duty always releases yearly, switching between either two or three developers, those being Infinity Ward, Treyarch, and Sledgehammer Games. However, after Modern Warfare II’s release in late 2022, the franchise, and therefore the developers, are taking a year to focus on the games already released and yet to be released, meaning they have an open slot in 2023 where a Call of Duty title would usually be released. Now, I don’t think Treyarch should take precious development time away from their 2024 title, but rather, I believe either Raven Software (who developed Modern Warfare Remastered) and/or Beenox (who developed Modern Warfare 2 Campaign Remastered) should work on Black Ops Remastered, as both studios did absolutely phenomenal jobs on their respective projects.
Raven Software also happens to be no stranger to Black Ops campaigns, as they actually are the ones that developed the Black Ops: Cold War campaign, as Treyarch were on a time crunch to develop that game and they are known for their expertly crafted zombies and multiplayer modes to boot. Wouldn’t you know it, that campaign happened to be essentially a reversal of the plot of the original Black Ops, which, if you know what I’m talking about, great, and if you don’t, just, uhm… Never mind.
Anyway, that would essentially be my plan if I were the CEO of Activision/Blizzard, and I would put it into action ASAP. However, I would also be satisfied with remasters of Modern Warfare 3, to cap off the trilogy of remasters, or even World at War, which happens to be my favorite WWII game out there (and also is the first game chronologically in the Black Ops timeline).
If you’re interested in signing my little petition and making this dude happy, you can do so here: https://chng.it/WDBsj6trmb.
Call of Duty: Vanguard Review
It all begins with an idea.
Call of Duty: Vanguard is a bit of a different beast in the long-running love-to-hate-on FPS franchise. However, contrary to many people's opinions, it's not all for bad reasons. While this review is going to be a bit different given that it’s being published nearly a full year after the game’s release, in many ways, this is going to be your ultimate guide for purchasing Vanguard and if the game will be worth full price to fit your gaming preferences. For this review, I’ll first cover the campaign, then multiplayer, and lastly, the little game mode that could, zombies. For each game mode, I will first cover the bad, the mixed, then the good, simply because I’m an optimist and like to end things on a positive note.
The lead developer of this Call of Duty title, Sledgehammer Games, has made some changes for their third go-around in their development cycle, going for a more gritty and grounded feel compared to the sci-fi tone of 2014’s Advanced Warfare and the more nostalgic apple pie flavor of 2017’s WWII. The themes of the game all stem from Vanguard’s campaign, which begins with you stepping into the shoes of Novak as you hop from two parallel running trains killing Nazis (and, let’s be honest, Nazis are pretty far up there when it comes to the enjoyability of video game bullet sponges). As you reach the target, Novak, along with the rest of their team, gets captured and held in a Berlin prison cell for the duration of the game as a majority of the missions are flashbacks; building character, background, and motivation for each of the squad members.
So firstly, let me begin with something that was laughable from the get-go. The AI is just dumb. Your squad mates will advance on the field even when there are still enemies present, enemies will be six feet from you, look you in the eye, then run the other direction, and some enemies are just… Invincible. That is, unless you attack them the way the game wants you to attack them, then they’ll go down like a cardboard cutout of a house of playing cards. Also, the game is historically inaccurate, and no, I’m not talking about weapons from Advanced Warfare making an appearance in multiplayer or Raul Menendez showing up in Warzone either; I’m talking about the StG, which was manufactured and used by the Germans in World War II. Well, gamers, I found that weapon while on a mission in the Pacific theater, which is where America and Japan were fighting- not Germany. It might be just a gameplay decision, and to some it may not make a lick of a difference, but to me, who has been an absolute history freak since grade school, it was perhaps the most irksome thing since the invention of carbonated water (and don’t get me started on that). Beyond the AI and the (slight) historical inaccuracies, I could not find a single other completely negative thing, which was honestly astonishing, even if there are a few mixed aspects of the campaign.
Alright, so Call of Duty is known for being over the top, but this game surprisingly brings it back down to the original days of the franchise, with only sparse moments of blockbuster spectacle to lighten the sullen tone of the dark story. Some may not like this- I, on the other hand, absolutely loved it. However, I can see the appeal for that Modern Warfare style campaign that has nukes going off every other mission to satisfy the cravings of the average adrenaline addict, so it’s up in the air if you may like the down-to-Earth tone of Vanguard. That leads into my next topic, which is the fact that this campaign doesn’t have any intel, collectibles, or anything of the sort. It’s focused solely on the mission at hand, which, again, some may like, so they don’t have to go out of their way searching for teddy bear number 115, but others may dislike, who are achievement or trophy hunters and love to beat a game to 100% completion no matter the hundreds of hours it may take, so again, it depends on your playstyle. Next is the dialogue, which can honestly be pretty hokey at points. However, other times, it can be some of the most satisfying and badass stuff said by a character in any Call of Duty game, so, you may not know what you’re going to get, but all in all, it’s in service of the story. This next one is strange. So you know how when you die in the campaign of a Modern Warfare game, it shows a quote about war, or conflict? Well in Vanguard, it shows a quote from one of the fictional squad members, oftentimes about… The other fictional squad members. At first it’s a bit jarring, but as you get to know the characters, it begins to become endearing in a way, that Sledgehammer Games trusted their writers to that extent. All of this brings me to the pacing of the missions. They are… Strange. Imagine a mission that’s just too short for your liking, then double it, so now it’s too long. Usually the missions have two main objectives, so if you play it to one objective, you won’t get your fill- but if you play the full mission, you may get more than you bargained for. Luckily, the campaign gets exponentially better as you play through each mission, and the paragraph about the good things will far outweigh both the bad and the mixed.
As I mentioned, this campaign is gritty and grounded, but also dark as hell, with some horror elements mixed in to top it all off. The villains (I refuse to call them antagonists because they are straight-up ripped from the pages of a comic book, VILLAINS) are some real evil Nazis with some real evil agendas (I literally got goosebumps a couple times) that may change the fate of the end of World War II, so when you see them doing their real evil nafarious evil stuff during the cutscenes (which are beautifully done, by the way) in-between missions, you’re witnessing some of the best villainy the Call of Duty franchise has to offer. Granted, they’re not as memorable as Black Ops II’s Menendez, or Modern Warfare’s Makarov, but let’s just say a certain cutscene may have you whispering some expletives under your breath. While we’re on that, let me also say there were some moments that actually had me cheering. I kid you not. I screamed, “yes!” Like a schoolgirl when some moments played out or when I accomplished certain things. Since we’re talking about memorable things in the campaign, let’s talk about that squad. At first they seem like the usual Call of Duty ordeal; people to die in order to make the story more dramatic, but no, you actually begin to care about these characters, and each person who plays the game will most likely have a certain favorite, depending on their personality and nationality. Lastly, I must say, the last mission in Vanguard is by far and away one of the best missions in any Call of Duty title. It may even be my favorite. I won’t spoil anything. Okay, fine, I’ll put spoilers in the very last paragraph of my review if you’re interested. Anyway, to sum it up, Vanguard’s campaign is fantastic, and rivals World at War for being the best World War II campaign in Call of Duty history, in my humble opinion.
Okay, multiplayer; the most popular game mode in Call of Duty, and boy, this one is a doozy. Let me start out with the elephant in the multiplayer map. There’s no FLOW to these maps. Now, look, I’m going to be completely candid, Treyarch is my favorite developer on all fronts, and I love how their maps flow. However, Sledgehammer Games just… Haven’t quite nailed it in that department yet. It was fun in Advanced Warfare because you had an Exo suit to help boost you around if you couldn’t navigate the maps, but the maps in Vanguard? They’re like mazes set inside labyrinths, and somehow, every other player knows the map better than you. Granted, I’m a year late to the game, but still, you’d think my skill from Cold War would carry over at least some, right? Wrong. So yeah. Pretty chaotic maps. The physics are also weird as all get out. When you toss a grenade, it kind of… waggles? While in the air? Is that normal? Eh, not a big deal, but what’s a bigger deal is that the movement speed feels off. Nothing crazy, just… off. Maybe a bit too clunky. Lastly for the cons, the sound design was, honestly, abysmal. It was white noise sometimes, and that’s being generous. I want to hear the sounds of war! Battles! Gunfights! Explosions! Not the sounds of… Well, I can’t even tell, but it certainly isn’t immersive in any way.
Now for the mixed aspects of multiplayer, of which there’s really only one. The gunfights are messy. Which may be what Sledgehammer Games are going for, and it may be something you’re into as well, but personally, I wasn’t into it, so I decided to throw it into the mixed category.
Now for the good. First of all; Gibbing is back! The violent arm-severing, head-exploding style of gameplay returns after taking a break during Cold War. How delightful! Also, the environment is somewhat interactive. Doors can be opened and closed, there are breakable walls, and even the tires can be popped on vehicles, which is a very nice touch. There is also an advanced movement system compared to last years title. Players have the ability to peek, mount their weapon, stealth takedown, and tactical sprint, which were all sorely missed in Cold War. Lastly, the graphics. It’s no surprise the graphics look good in a Call of Duty game, and to most, it would be surprising if they looked anything but, however Sledgehammer Games pulled it off once again with a gorgeous game that is sometimes unfortunately washed out by an unsaturated color palette in some maps. Multiplayer would be about an average entry in the Call of Duty franchise, but Sledgehammer' Games’ failure (or is it insistence?) to make chaotic maps without flow make it one of the less enjoyable titles, which is unfortunate, given their absolute stellar performance with the campaign.
Drumroll, please…For zombies! Treyarch is back after Cold War’s super-fun rendition of zombies for another swing at the game mode that’s prevailed for now over thirteen years. Unfortunately, Treyarch’s latest outing in the zombies universe is on the rather very bad side of things compared to their recent installments, which could most likely be attributed to Activision/Blizzard’s decision to cut down the budget of the zombies team, who also, by the way, is a different team than usual. To start, everything, and I mean everything is laggy. Literally playing a solo game still has lag. So that’s a thing. Also, the HUD is, to put it bluntly, abysmal. The points are too small, and, well, everything is too small, except for the mini-map, which is enormously annoying. There’s also the demon-like entities speaking to you as you play which are just annoying as hell. “They’re flanking you!” Yes… I’m aware. I’m training the zombies, demon lady. Then there’s the exfil feature introduced in Cold War. It was a great addition in the previous game, where you would basically go push a button and race to the extraction point where you would then kill all the zombies in the area so the chopper could pick you up and you could end your game. It was simple enough with a good enough learning curve- then there’s Vanguard, where when you start the “exfil,” dozens of zombies and special boss zombies all rush at you as quickly as they can, or, in many cases, zombies with ranged attacks throw or SHOOT at you. WHAT? Zombies is where I go to NOT be shot at in my Call of Duty game. So… That’s unfortunate. Very, very, very unfortunate.
Now for the mixed in zombies, which is honestly just a slightly better negative aspect. The maps… They aren’t great. The only decent map is a World at War remaster (or reimagining, I suppose), being Shi No Numa. Let’s see, this is Shi No Numa’s fourth iteration now, after the original World at War map, the Black Ops remaster, and the Black Ops III: Zombies Chronicles remaster. Unfortunately, all the other maps just suck, and that’s coming from a diehard Treyarch fan.
Finally, some good stuff about zombies. So, first off, it’s a part of the Dark Aether storyline, being a prequel to the events of Cold War zombies, which had a spectacular story. (Which could be considered a negative, given that we already know where the events of Vanguard zombies will take us.) Another positive is the fact that the operators have much more characterization than they initially did in Cold War (even though they later added better lines for characters deeper into the game’s lifecycle). By far the BEST thing Vanguard zombies does is the World at War style of music used in the maps. That’s it. Is that a good thing? Sure. Is it a good thing that that’s the best thing? Absolutely not.
So, to conclude this overly long review, Call of Duty: Vanguard is a mixed bag. With one of the worst, if not the worst, zombies installments to date, a below average multiplayer, and an absolutely stellar campaign, Vanguard is full of some of the highest highs and lowest lows of any Call of Duty to date. I can’t recommend purchasing this at the full $69.99 price tag, but buying it used at a discounted price is actually a very good idea. While I can’t see anyone enjoying zombies, you may enjoy multiplayer depending on your playstyle, and the campaign will almost certainly knock your Nazi-killing socks off. With all of that said, I’m going to give Call of Duty: Vanguard 3.5 Stars out of 5.
I’ve been Bailey, and this has been the BaileyBlog. Until next time, folks.