Pinocchio (2022) Movie Review: The Disney Live-Action Remake to End All Live-Action Remakes
Disney+’s 2022 Pinocchio remake is, in my opinion, a remake, and, in my opinion, that is what all the critics seem to have gotten wrong about this film. They all want something bombastically original; something to blow their socks off with a well-crafted story about the human condition! Well, they got Pinocchio. It’s not that hard to understand, folks. It’s called a remake, and there is plenty of originality left in Hollywood and the rest of the world if you know where to look, so I absolutely will NOT be having any of this, “but nothing original comes out anymore,” from you idjits. I’ll list off a few movies I’ve given ratings of 4.5 Stars or higher that are wholly original (being not based on anything and not a sequel or a prequel) just as a few examples:
Everything Everywhere All At Once (5 Stars)
RRR (5 Stars)
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (5 Stars)
The Northman (5 Stars)
Cha Cha Real Smooth (4.5 Stars)
Hustle (4.5 Stars)
The Black Phone (4.5 Stars)
Nope (4.5 Stars)
Turning Red (4.5 Stars)
Bodies Bodies Bodies (4.5 Stars)
Alright, now that all of that nonsense is out of the way, I can actually talk about this surprising movie. It’s good! Like, really good. Like, made me cry at two separate points good. First of all, let me talk about my favorite part: Robert Zemeckis’s direction. It’s fantastic. It blends his usual off-beat and off-color Spielbergian tone with the reminiscence and quality of the early Disney films, and it works, like, really well. Also there’s Tom Hanks, who plays this rendition of Geppetto. C’mon, folks. Tom Hanks. You gotta love the guy, not just because he’s Tom motherloving Hanks, but because he does a lovely job in the role of Pinocchio’s father. Then there’s Pinocchio himself. He’s like the only thing that I think this version of the film doesn’t surpass the original at, unfortunately, even though he still does an amazing job- the original Pinocchio is just pretty hard to beat.
Then there’s the story, which is where the naysayers will tell you this is an abomination beyond belief and that this is a butchering of the childhood classic we all know and love. No. Just no. It’s literally the exact same plot as the original but with better direction and the added bonus of updated humor and dialogue. So it’s better? Yes. Absolutely. The Disney+ Original 2022 Live-Action Remake of Pinocchio is better than Walt Disney’s 1940 classic, and that’s coming from a guy that will absolutely go back in time for the sole purpose of shaking the hand of Walt himself because I respect him so much, even if he may have been a bit shady.
Anyway, yeah, if you have a Disney+ subscription, I would absolutely recommend giving this sub-two hour film a watch, especially since your old pal Bailey gave it a whopping 4.5 Stars. That’s right; a whole star MORE than the original. If this doesn’t politically assassinate me, then I don’t know what will. Anywho, I’ve been Bailey, and this has been the BaileyBlog. Later, folks.
